Canyon Echoes

The Ten Worst Mascots Ever

Oliver Barnfield, Chief Pop Culture Writer

Mascots are a commonality on TV, sports, and even in video games. While sometimes we get mascots that work, like Mario or Bevo (Go Longhorns!) we sometimes get ones that miss the mark terribly, whether it’s from sports, restaurants, or forgotten 90s platformer games.

The Ten Worst Mascots Ever

 

10. The Tax Doctor

The Tax Doctor is a smiling, lab coat wearing CGI Gif that appears to be clip art of some kind. It loops through the same select movements at the end of these commercials, and while not creepy or anything, is just incredibly lazy.

9. The Stanford Tree

Some mascots are terrifying. Some are just downright goofy. The now-retired Stanford Tree is all of those.

8. Any Clown Mascot

Clowns are terrifying, I think we can all agree. So why not terrify the innocent people of the 1950s into buying your sugary cereal with a perpetually smiling clown? Seems like a good business practice to me.

7. Dairy Queen Lips

 

From 2006 to 2011, DQ commercials featured a phenomenal new mascot: lips. That’s it. How stunningly creative! The lips had no gimmick, they just said stuff about DQ’s new deals and could have easily been replaced with a generic advertising guy. But no. They had to be a giant disembodied pair of lips.

6. Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel

This forgettable game on SNES boasted a terribly insensitive mascot. Really? Kamikaze?

5. Little Lungs in A Great Big World

This terrifying monstrosity was to promote no smoking. And it did its job, as it must have terrified many a Disney XD watching kids with its dead, bloodshot eyes. And to top it off, each ad ends with the Little Lungs dying a terrible death.

4. Wild Woody

Images do not do this one justice. Watch the video linked above. Its screaming CGI face and terrifyingly raspy voice rremainone of the most unintentionally horrifying video game characters of all time.

3. Bubsy

Ah yes, the infamous Bubsy, star of a series of four terrible games in the 90s. His appearance wasn’t terrible, but his annoying catchphrases and obnoxious voice just give me a headache. In his worst game, Bubsy 3D, he spouts an annoying line every time you jump, step or land on a platform. Eventually, the game becomes psychically painful to play. You kind of wonder if the developers made him intentionally irritating…

2. Patrick Thistle Sun

The Scottish soccer team Patrick Thistle’s mascot must rank as one of the most shoddily made and also terrifying sports mascots. Looking like a drawing made by a mentally disturbed child, the unibrowed sun stalks the soccer fields, staring into the souls of the spectators with its blank, empty, eyes.

1. Quizno Spongmonkeys

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About the Writer
Oliver Barnfield, Cool Guy/Entertainment Editor

Oliver is a Canyon Echoes veteran who currently works as Entertainment Editor, and he also directs and stars in The Opinionist, Canyon Echoes 1st video...

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