Eulogy to Mother Goose (POEM)

What happens when Mother Goose changes her ways?

Oliver Barnfield, Cool Guy/Entertainment Editor

Nursery rhymes were not in style

They were not able to make kids smile

When hearing of these childish rhymes

The kids all say “Now is NOT the time”

All the teens act dark and gruff

And call all rhymes baby stuff

So, in front of the crashing waves of the ocean,

Mother Goose, an icon of said rhymes, put her plan in motion.

At midnight on that day in June

Mother goose swore by the ethereal light of the moon

A resolution to become a better, to reinstate her place,

She said as the moonbeams glazed her face:

“I shall prove to them that I am cool!”

But alas, what a sorry fool,

Despite her efforts to reinvent,

you wouldn’t be surprised how bad it went.


At first, she joined a metal band

Singing sludgy screamo,

But all the kids found her as hip as wet sand

Then she eyed the trendy ways

Talked very fast, like Billy Mays

Dabbing, Flossing, Lit Spinners galore

But these trends didn’t leave them

wanting more

So an actor she decided to be, a modern movie starlet, you see

With a starring role in Hollywood, destined to be in movies designed for you and me

Or maybe even she could be

On the small screen on TV

Perhaps with a catchphrase to catch the viewer’s eye, like a snappy “Hey-Oh!”

But, dear god, her audition was about as good as expired mayo.

Alas, but being the optimist she was, our hero ventured on, and learned how to write

Did it work out? Well…. Not quite.

She focused  sights on creating her masterpiece: “Remembering: The tragic fall of Humpty” a depressing memorial for the dead

And still, the critics sneered upon it with dread.

Then she decided to be a rapper

Decked out in bling so dapper

She found her calling dropping rhymes like before

But this time she added a little more

Like sick beats and gangsta slang

Ready to show off her skills with a BANG

And there she vented her sullen rage,

From the comforts of the stage

And in this world of hate and danger

We can all take a lesson from our dear Goosey stranger.

So I guess it goes to show, despite how it might seem strange

There is nothing better than positive change.