Ahh, the good holiday of love and corporate control. Valentine’s Day is a mystery to most, why do we need to buy all of these presents for people? I understand that it’s supposed to be “Share the love with the people that you love by purchasing them pink and red gifts.” But that doesn’t change the fact that the holiday feels dull and unoriginal to me.  Today, we need to ponder one of the most confusing holidays and ask: “What’s the deal with Valentine’s Day?”

Quick History

It’s said that in the third century Rome, King Claudius II found that single men fought better than married men. So, as a ‘reasonable person,’ he banned all marriages. Saint Valentine didn’t like this because the rule was unfair, so he married people in private to let innocent couples show their love. To pay for his crimes when the soldiers found out, he was sent to prison. While in prison he sent his significant other a letter with the quote “From your Valentine” that is still used today.

Another theory is that Valentine’s Day represents a festival from about 270 A.D named Lupercalia, celebrated in the middle of February. During the festival, everyone would gather in a cave? When there, they would kill goats and dogs. They would drip the goat out in the streets and slap people and crops with it. Apparently, it made them stronger (take note children). I don’t know about you, but I miss the original Valentines Day festival.

Eventually, Lupercalia was deemed “Un-Christain” and was outlawed. They changed the festival to Valentines, associated with love as the middle of February was affiliated with bird’s mating season. It’s said that the first Valentines poem was written for Duke-of-Orleans Charle’s wife imprisoned in the Tower of London.

Welp. I have nothing else to say…  have a good Valentines day!