The Sonic the Hedgehog Movie is Cursed


I have been a Sonic fan almost all my life. It’s not fun. The games are consistently bad, the fanbase is extremely embarrassing, and in general its very painful to admit that you are a fan of the speedy blue hedgehog. The one time I was happy to be a Sonic fan was when Sonic Mania was released, and that went away when Sonic Forces was announced a couple of weeks later.

But this is the worst its ever been. I will no longer admit I ever liked Sonic. Why? It’s because of THIS:


Yes folks, the trailer for the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie dropped yesterday. And I hate it SO MUCH.

There are so many things that fling me into an unbridled rage as a Sonic fan. There seems to be no ties to the games (which is probably a good thing, considering their recent quality.) and Eggman looks really generic and isn’t even fat. Like, its in his name. Thats why hes called Eggman, for God’s sake! The film seems to have no reference to the colorful vibes and good music present in the early games, instead looking like a Transformers movie but with a stupid blue hedgehog. It’s tough being a Sonic fan. Being a Zelda fan is easy. The games are always good, and there’s no movie in the works. Same with Mega Man, Street Fighter and pretty much anything else. But Sonic… Sonic has dealt with an awful fanbase, and even worse games, since 2006. And now this. This garbage pile of a movie. Sonic has teeth, emits electricity, and has really uncanny looking eyes. Eggman and Sonic seem to be the only characters present, although I have a feeling Shadow the Hedgehog might show up. Tails won’t appear, probably.

The movie will be dumb, I anticipate. The quality of the CGI reminds me of Alvin and the Chipmunks, the tone sounds like a Fast and Furious, (makes sense, considering it’s the same producers) and Sonic’s hands look… creepy. I’m ashamed to be a Sonic fan. It has led me to nothing but pain and suffering. I feel like a masochist for liking Sonic. And that’s really what it’s like. Being painfully betrayed by someone you love with a slew of trash games and incredibly awful movie trailers.

Oh, and with Sonic being my favorite franchise, when do they release it??? WHEN???

My Birthday Month.

Thanks for the birthday present, Sega.